Thursday, August 10, 2017

For All This I'm Sorry

I stood on that pedestal
High but not proud
Scanning the horizon
Far from here.

I laid my foundations
Spun as I rolled
Lived for tomorrow
The way that you do.

I let that ambition
Stand in our way
As magic fell to reflection
In the eyes of others.

I didn't kiss you
The way we once did
All the time
Enough is enough.

I let you suffer
While we were apart
Didn't see it coming
That fork in the road.

I violated the trust
Never to heal
Chronically wounded
Scarred for all to see.

I shattered your world
Slaughtered your soul
Gutted your home
In a sentence.

I ripped out your heart
Tore at your guts
Left you for dead
On a mountain of fears.

I didn't see you
Didn't feel you
Didn't know you
But now I know.

I threw it all away
Like a naïve child
Never realising that fantasy
Doesn't exist here.

I didn't take the time
Didn't stop
Or ask why
And for all this, I'm sorry.

The Life We Had

The life we had was a fairytale
The life we had was a song
The life we had was a happy ending
And now that life is gone.

You arrived with a smile
In your eyes.
Gentle
And kind
Their own tint of pain.

You climbed through windows
Sat amongst crowds
I danced
Proud
And our world cheered us on.

We soared, floated
On a threadbare cloud
Rowed
To freedom
Lived to be together through the night.

We drowned ourselves in spirits
Three roses in a day
We sang
Intoxicated
On the fantasised hopes of a generation.

We renovated our world
Laboured
Perspired
But just as the dust settled
We moved onward, and upward.

We busied ourselves in the future
Buried in establishment pulp
Alone
Apart
With a brave wooden smile.

So now, we find ourselves here
In a strange, desolate place
Unplanned
Uncharted
Stunned by the audacity of life.

I'm not leaving you for anyone
But me
Myself
I
That selfish ego that desires peace.

I know you're angry
But do you see?
Together
As we were
I was just a hitchhiker on that road.

I hope you can one day understand
That you must also be found
Because
Otherwise
Happiness will not know where to look.

All we can take from this devastating opportunity
Is just that.
To live on
As best we can
In the moment or the dream.

And all I want, really
Is for us to cherish our hearts
To love
Be loved
Awakened, returned, ready.

The life we had was a fairytale
The life we had was a song
The life we had was a happy ending
And now that life is gone.

My Dear Darling Friend

My dear darling friend,
I fell in love
And heavens above
I was stopped in tracks
Relaxed.
Slowed down time
Life turned sublime
Connected by soul
To the universe of old
Enlightened my heart
Made worry depart
Altered the world
And peace unfurled
Not struggling.

My dear darling friend,
How can I explain?
Make it plain
How can I describe,
Behind the eyes?
What I can't see
But believe to be
For mirrors show
'They' tell me so
I know it's there
Somewhere
There's just no words
And the wild world's
Not listening.

My dear darling friend,
I really fucked up
And I know it, yup
Hiding in a bubble
Impending world of trouble
I was out of control
Digging a deep hole
Trapped in a crisis
Thought love would suffice us
Didn't cry for help
Not even a yelp
From fire to fry pan
I burnt bridges and ran.
Not cool.

My dear darling friend,
I'm in love with two men
So now, what then?
What does one do
When lost, no clue
How could this even be?
Everyone's asking me
Could you really throw away
What you loved yesterday?
Answers I don't hold
Answers, I'm hoping, will unfold
But shit, until then
I still love two men.
Not one.

My dear darling friend,
I want you to know
What isn't so
What I truly believe
And clearly perceive
In this grave of dreams
And fancy schemes.
It's an opportunity, a chance.
No, not at first glance.
But it's going to be a way
To live for the day
Find happiness within
A journey akin
Not together.

My dear darling friend,
I believe there'll come a time
When stars realign
When wounds are healed
And fractures sealed
When friendships lost
At such a cost
Will shoot from seed
Finally freed
A new life of love
Hand fitting the glove
Refurbished and true
Together renewed.
Not apart.

I'll See You on the Way Down

Somewhere on that trek
Nearly reached the pass
Your feet became stuck
And you fell to your knees
I have to go on
I need to see
What's around the bend
Over the other side
And if you're not coming
Well, then
I have to leave you behind
Baby, please don't cry
I'll see you on the way down.

Didn't plan the trip
Packed a little love
Thought about the end
So far away
I think you built your dream
On an artwork of roses
I think I lived my dream
Until the night was over
And a new dawn cleared
So blue
It's a very sad state of affairs
But we'll be ok, in the end
I'll see you on the way down.

Hard to breathe
This thin air
Hard to think
Clearly
My stomach hurts, and
Each step weighs an eternity
Every second lasts a tonne
The end is nigh
Unless we go on
Together
One way or the other
Into love's spectrum.
I'll see you on the way down.