For All This I'm Sorry

I stood on that pedestal
High but not proud
Scanning the horizon
Far from here.

I laid my foundations
Spun as I rolled
Lived for tomorrow
The way that you do.

I let that ambition
Stand in our way
As magic fell to reflection
In the eyes of others.

I didn't kiss you
The way we once did
All the time
Enough is enough.

I let you suffer
While we were apart
Didn't see it coming
That fork in the road.

I violated the trust
Never to heal
Chronically wounded
Scarred for all to see.

I shattered your world
Slaughtered your soul
Gutted your home
In a sentence.

I ripped out your heart
Tore at your guts
Left you for dead
On a mountain of fears.

I didn't see you
Didn't feel you
Didn't know you
But now I know.

I threw it all away
Like a naïve child
Never realising that fantasy
Doesn't exist here.

I didn't take the time
Didn't stop
Or ask why
And for all this, I'm sorry.

The Life We Had

The life we had was a fairytale
The life we had was a song
The life we had was a happy ending
And now that life is gone.

You arrived with a smile
In your eyes.
Gentle
And kind
Their own tint of pain.

You climbed through windows
Sat amongst crowds
I danced
Proud
And our world cheered us on.

We soared, floated
On a threadbare cloud
Rowed
To freedom
Lived to be together through the night.

We drowned ourselves in spirits
Three roses in a day
We sang
Intoxicated
On the fantasised hopes of a generation.

We renovated our world
Laboured
Perspired
But just as the dust settled
We moved onward, and upward.

We busied ourselves in the future
Buried in establishment pulp
Alone
Apart
With a brave wooden smile.

So now, we find ourselves here
In a strange, desolate place
Unplanned
Uncharted
Stunned by the audacity of life.

I'm not leaving you for anyone
But me
Myself
I
That selfish ego that desires peace.

I know you're angry
But do you see?
Together
As we were
I was just a hitchhiker on that road.

I hope you can one day understand
That you must also be found
Because
Otherwise
Happiness will not know where to look.

All we can take from this devastating opportunity
Is just that.
To live on
As best we can
In the moment or the dream.

And all I want, really
Is for us to cherish our hearts
To love
Be loved
Awakened, returned, ready.

The life we had was a fairytale
The life we had was a song
The life we had was a happy ending
And now that life is gone.

My Dear Darling Friend

My dear darling friend,
I fell in love
And heavens above
I was stopped in tracks
Relaxed.
Slowed down time
Life turned sublime
Connected by soul
To the universe of old
Enlightened my heart
Made worry depart
Altered the world
And peace unfurled
Not struggling.

My dear darling friend,
How can I explain?
Make it plain
How can I describe,
Behind the eyes?
What I can't see
But believe to be
For mirrors show
'They' tell me so
I know it's there
Somewhere
There's just no words
And the wild world's
Not listening.

My dear darling friend,
I really fucked up
And I know it, yup
Hiding in a bubble
Impending world of trouble
I was out of control
Digging a deep hole
Trapped in a crisis
Thought love would suffice us
Didn't cry for help
Not even a yelp
From fire to fry pan
I burnt bridges and ran.
Not cool.

My dear darling friend,
I'm in love with two men
So now, what then?
What does one do
When lost, no clue
How could this even be?
Everyone's asking me
Could you really throw away
What you loved yesterday?
Answers I don't hold
Answers, I'm hoping, will unfold
But shit, until then
I still love two men.
Not one.

My dear darling friend,
I want you to know
What isn't so
What I truly believe
And clearly perceive
In this grave of dreams
And fancy schemes.
It's an opportunity, a chance.
No, not at first glance.
But it's going to be a way
To live for the day
Find happiness within
A journey akin
Not together.

My dear darling friend,
I believe there'll come a time
When stars realign
When wounds are healed
And fractures sealed
When friendships lost
At such a cost
Will shoot from seed
Finally freed
A new life of love
Hand fitting the glove
Refurbished and true
Together renewed.
Not apart.

I'll See You on the Way Down

Somewhere on that trek
Nearly reached the pass
Your feet became stuck
And you fell to your knees
I have to go on
I need to see
What's around the bend
Over the other side
And if you're not coming
Well, then
I have to leave you behind
Baby, please don't cry
I'll see you on the way down.

Didn't plan the trip
Packed a little love
Thought about the end
So far away
I think you built your dream
On an artwork of roses
I think I lived my dream
Until the night was over
And a new dawn cleared
So blue
It's a very sad state of affairs
But we'll be ok, in the end
I'll see you on the way down.

Hard to breathe
This thin air
Hard to think
Clearly
My stomach hurts, and
Each step weighs an eternity
Every second lasts a tonne
The end is nigh
Unless we go on
Together
One way or the other
Into love's spectrum.
I'll see you on the way down.

Wort Irkington is taking over my life

Yes it's true, the pesky little character who stars in my new short film is taking over my life.

He's got me tweeting for him, FBing, Instagramming, there was even a brief stint on RSVP but we wont talk about that!

For a cantankerous old git, Wort Irkington sure is up with the social media.  I suspect it's just a means of sharing his hates with the world.

The final straw is the crowd funding.  I'm now spending my days promoting Wort's story and getting people to invest in his film: www.pozible.com/hatebooks

Well I never!

Have I Been Robbed!?

Last year I experienced my first interaction with an internet scammer and decided to go with it, to get a feel for the situation and hopefully understand the scammer a little better.

It all began when I posted an online ad to sell my laptop, and received a strange reply from Rissi Clooney...

Rissi Clooney
Hello,
I am interested to purchase this item for my Sibling in England as a gift and this will determine the extent of my love to her, I liked this article sent to him via Australia post International Shipping 2-3 days and I'll offer $2,800 for the package including postage through Australia post International I'll pay via my paypal account. so kindly send your PayPal email address that I can use to make payment via PayPal.

I hope you won’t mind to get an account with PayPal if you don't have one before. Its reliable and easy to use PayPal, all you need to do is visit www.paypal.com.au and register with them. When you are done with the registration send me the email used for the registration with PayPal so I can pay in ASAP.
Await your response...
Cordially
Rissi

P:S I would mind to add a gift rapper to it during the shipment via Australian Post (Express Courier International) please get back to me ASAP.


As I was rather busy at the time, I delayed my response so that I could work out how to deal with the situation.


ACW
Hi Rissi,
This shouldn't be a problem, I'm in class until 10pm tonight, so I'll read this through and respond properly after then.
Thanks,
Annaliese


Rissi Clooney
Ok I will be expecting your mail.


ACW
Hi Rissi,
I've looked up the cost for Australia Post Express Courier International postage to England and it will be around $200 + $70 insurance... This means I'll only get $2530. But I've thought about it and I am willing to sell you the laptop.

I will also wrap the gift for you if that's what you'd like? Is your sibling male or female? It's really nice of you to give such a great gift!

Of course I won't be able to send it until the $2800 has been transferred, I hope this is ok?

Let me know what you'd like to do... as I'll need to withdraw the listing.
Annaliese


Rissi replied soon after.


Rissi Clooney
Hi
How is class today, It's really nice of you as well helping me with the shipment my sibling is a Male why did you ask?

You can withdraw the listing for me. I will make the payment first thing in the morning.
Rissi.


ACW
Class was great :-)

I just thought I'd ask so I would know what kind of wrapping paper to use...
Thanks Rissi


Then the payment particulars became interesting...


Rissi Clooney
Hi
My email had some problem to access in it van you please get back to me with the detail of the payment?


ACW
Hi Rissi,
You just need to go to paypal: https://www.paypal-australia.com.au/personal/send-and-request-money

And sign in and send the $2800 to my email account.

Let me know how you go...


Rissi Clooney
Ok Thanks I Will let you know once the payment is made Thanks for your understanding.


I then received some very realistic emails from 'Paypal'. The return email address was a clearly suspicious, though there were fewer grammatical errors than I expected. Annoyed at the idea that people were losing out to scammer like this all the time, I decided to play...





ACW
Hi there Rissi,
Thanks so much, I received the payment details from Paypal today. I'll get some wrapping paper on Monday and send it off.

I think you should have a card in there too as it is for your brother's birthday. I can also buy a card and write in it for you if you'd like?? It seems a shame to send such a wonderful gift without a card.
Anyway let me know,
Annaliese


Rissi Clooney
Hi
Thanks for your mail, YOU can get him a card with color blue or wine color, Sweet word of birthday should be fine inside the card Thanks for your understanding.
Rissi


I was actually quite busy, so my response time was slowing down. Rissi emailed with a subject line of "urgent".


Rissi Clooney
I Hope to read from you today Thanks


ACW
Hi, I'm really sorry, I was at Uni all day and missed the post!

I have the day off tomorrow, so I'll head down there in the morning.

What day is your brother's birthday? I hope it won't get there too late...


Rissi Clooney
Hi
Thanks for your help, I do understand your time keeper at school, I will be expecting your mail first thing tomorrow morning. Birthday date is Nov 01. It's should be delivered before then Or on the same date.

I will be expecting your mail tomorrow morning.
Rissi


Again I was slow to respond due to other commitments... Rissi responded with an email subject "HAVE I BEEN ROBBED".


Rissi Clooney
Hi
How are you today, I will be glad to know the status of the shipment. Rissi


ACW
Hi Rissi,
Sorry I haven't replied sooner but I have some very exciting news!

I looked up your brother's address on google maps and realised that it is very close to Leeds which is where my good friend lives. And, you wont believe it, but she works as a singing telegram! So I've gone to some trouble to organise her to hand deliver the package to your brother in a bunny costume and sing happy birthday to him! How good is that!?

So, I posted the package to my friend today. I'll enter the post office tracking number soon...
Annaliese


I may have pushed it too far here, as Rissi began to cotton on.


Rissi Clooney
Don't Worry, and again I begin to doubt this is Real imagine what you are telling me I don't have interest in this rubbish.


ACW
What are you talking about? I've gone to a lot of trouble for you!

Now, I'm having trouble entering this tracking number... The links on the paypal email don't seem to work... And I can't find anything on the Paypal website...

Do you know where I enter the tracking number details?


Rissi Clooney
send me the tracking number right now i will try to help you out, main while why did you ship it to your friend i don't lie this arrangement i cant lie to you.


I played a guilt card...


ACW
Rissi, I've become increasingly consternated by your tone. Why do you talk of 'being robbed' and 'lies'? I have been nothing but pleasant to you.

I have just been on the phone with Paypal and they tell me the emails that were sent about the tracking number were fake! Is this true?? Please tell me this isn't true!?

I don't understand...

I just don't know what to do now.


To which Rissi responded with a subject line "Am sorry"


Rissi Clooney
Thanks for your mail, Well I guess you called paypal where the payment is not originate from, I made the payment from my Usa link yo can ring them on this number to confirm your payment 12147850177

Please get back to me asap. I must be franked You did something wrong in the first place. give me the tracking number and or send it to the email here teamverified.department@consultant.com


I googled the number and found several websites acknowledging it as a scam hub in the US.


ACW
This doesn't make any sense to me, why would Paypal call it a scam? Are you trying to scam me Rissi?

What was it that I did wrong in the first place? Please tell me.

I am also concerned that you must be franked! I am picturing a big stamp on your posterior! Is this what will happen?

Now, to be honest I can't afford to be calling a phone number in Allen, Texas. And from the look an internet search, it seems a number of people state that the phone number is the source of numerous cash advance loan/online loan scams!

What say you Rissi Clooney? What do you propose I do?


Way too far for Rissi... there was no response. Over time I wondered who this person on the other side was, and how they came to be a scammer. I emailed again:

ACW
Hello Rissi,
I have been reflecting on our correspondence and am writing to apologise for my flippant attitude to your situation. I wonder what circumstances have led you to this life of scamming, and whether you would be interested in sharing this story? I would be willing to compensate you for your time and participation.
Annaliese


The response was a message failure notice. It was the end. So long Rissi...

The Horse and His Girl

When I was a young girl, maybe around 7 years old, I would walk down the street to buy milk and bread for my mum. In the group of shops nearby our house, was a paint store, with a large white stallion displayed in the window.

I loved looking at the horse, and dreaming about having it in my bedroom one day. So I wrote a letter. I remember writing the letter, and asking the owner if I could have the horse should they ever decide they didn’t want it any more. I recall mentioning that I would love and take great care of the horse, but I didn’t have much money I could give them and perhaps I could do chores to pay it off.

I never received a response… until November 2009, some 25 years later.

One day after work, in fact it was my birthday, I found a letter in the mailbox. To my great surprise it contained a photo of the horse from the paint shop, and a lovely letter from the owner stating that he had recently found my letter during the refurbishing of the shop, and felt sure that no one had ever replied to me.

He wasn’t the owner back when the letter was written, though had gone to trouble of hiring a private detective to find me and send me a reply. My faith in the world and humanity was immediately restored and I shed tears of joy at the memories of that particular time in my childhood.

I was amazed that someone would have gone to such trouble to track me down, over such a wonderful thing. It was an event in my childhood that I had never forgotten, and in fact something I had wondered about every now and then over the years up until the letter.

As I have moved around Australia considerably and recently married with a new name, it is remarkable that I was found, and in fact the private investigators thought the story was so lovely, they gave the store manager a discount.

The manager has informed me that he has framed my letter and it sits behind his desk in his office. I’ve been invited to pop in for a cup of tea next time I’m in Melbourne… and I can’t wait.